It's not like I have a horrible kid or anything, Kyan is wonderful, but he definitely has control in our house when I really sit and analyze it. The author of the book calls it an "imbalance of family power".
So reading this book was like reading a fiction book and waiting for the climax. I kept reading about why and what and who and when, but was waiting and waiting for the solution, and then it came. The coolest thing is that I think it might work. The hardest thing is that it's entirely up to us to make it work and making it work means completely adjusting the way we parent. We're trying, but old habits are hard to break! Do you know how hard it is to NOT yell at a kid as he straddles his five month brother on the floor bouncing up and down? Yeah, it's a challenge that I haven't completely achieved yet.
However, I think we are getting some of our power back...maybe in time to balance the family out! Now we just have to get dinner under control. Kyan completely runs our family dinner. He jumps around in his chair, eats with his hands, plays with his food, and takes about 30-40 minutes to actually eat. I remember when keeping him in his chair was the problem, but we conquered that beast, so I suppose we can conquer this one. There is a chapter in the book about this, but my problem is that I am a bit over obsessed with whether or not Kyan eats. I have seen a direct and unavoidable link between his behavior and the amount of food, specifically protein, that he eats, so I am really obsessed with making sure he has what he needs. The book wants me to stop making an issue out of it and if he doesn't eat he doesn't eat. I am not sure I can do that, but at this point I am willing to try.
The twins are posing their own challenges...I think Ronan is the power broker in that pair! It's crazy how they keep switching roles. One week Ronan is our power sleeper and the next week he's our nightmare! Right now he's our nightmare. He wakes up every 2-3 hours to eat, which inevitably wakes Mason up because, as I've mentioned before, Ronan is a screamer. I've stopped tandem nursing at night altogether and I think this is for the better. I was so tired of sitting up and getting all of the pillows together, gathering the babies, placing them, feeding them and then disassembling it all. I think if I had to keep doing that I would stop nursing sooner and I didn't want that. So, now I feed them individually. Sometimes in the rocker in their room and more often in bed while I doze off. This pretty much means that I have a baby attached to my breast through about 1/2-3/4 of the night. Oh well.
Ronan's new thing is that he wakes up wide eyed and won't go back to sleep. Sometimes it's at 5 am, but last night it was at 1:30 am. I fed him, laid him back down, and got Mason up to feed him. When I came back in with Mason, Ronan was still awake and making noises. I changed them both and put them back down. Ronan carried on, not crying but fussing, for a good 45 minutes to an hour after that. Ben was on my side initially, saying that if I keep going in and rocking him or feeding him back to sleep he will never learn to soothe himself. Then around 2:45 when I gave in and did just that, which took about a total of 5 minutes, Ben yelled at me that he couldn't believe it was that easy and I didn't do it an hour ago. I suppose sleep deprivation makes a person crazy because he was seriously saying exactly the opposite moments before that!
So, I carry on without sleep. I am beginning to think of sleep as a luxury not afforded to twin mothers. I'm pretty sure that my twin mom friends out there who claim their babies sleep through the night are just making it up!
And then there are naps...oh my the naps. Mason has just started taking three normal length (60-90 minutes) naps. Ronan on the other hand seems incapable of napping longer than 30-40 minutes. As a consequence he is always tired...seriously. He is ready for the next nap when he wakes up from the previous one. He isn't super fussy, but he's a bit whiny and his eyes are so tired! I can't let him cry it out in there, even if I wanted to, because then Mason wakes up. Mason is a light sleeper and I've figured out the key to his long naps is just to get Ronan out of there as soon as he begins to squawk.
Ah well, if it isn't one thing it's another. I suppose I've learned that by now. The ladder is a long, long road to....well, to what I'm not sure. Peace? Harmony? Sleep? who really knows...I don't exactly expect any of those things in my immediate future (or not so immediate future for that matter), I mean, I've got three boys! Just because we've yet to take a trip to the emergency room with any of them (even Kyan in 3 1/2 years), KNOCK ON WOOD, doesn't mean there isn't quite a bit of adventure in our future! So for now I suppose I will take it as it comes and keep on climbing! It's totally worth the ride!
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