Well, the holidays are here in full force. I'm not sure how this December thing came around so quickly, but here we are. We opened the first door in the advent house today and began our countdown. We have already been to Zoo Lights, a holiday tradition around here:
It seems like the holidays become more important each year as Kyan becomes more aware of what is happening. I am fighting the shopper in me to stay focused on teaching Kyan that less is more. A few GREAT gifts are better than a bunch of things that he will only look at for a few days and then toss aside.
I am only getting the twins one present each since they will have no idea what is going on, and we are pretty tight on money this year since I am no longer working. So they will each get a big present that they will grow into. Kyan has a long Christmas list that will probably be mostly honored between us, Grandma & Papa, and Nana & Papa. I just hope he begins to understand the spirit of giving this year, as well as the spirit of receiving
The twins had their first meal at Thanksgiving:
Our sleep issues are far from resolved, but I think we're in pretty good shape. I found myself perusing sleep training books again last night on Amazon and reading parent reviews. I put a couple on hold a the library, but it seems that none of them really take into account the breastfeeding family. There is one, The No Cry Sleep Solution, that is endorsed by the La Leche League, that could be worth the time, but it's hard to say. I'm going to check it out and see if there's some way to fix whatever I'm doing wrong. I'm realizing that getting the babies to sleep 12 hours is not my goal, but maybe getting 6-7 hours at a time would be fabulous!
Our newest challenge in the household is dinner time. We have been "climbing the ladder" with a pretty consistent response pertaining to Kyan's behavior, and we are coming close to fixing the "imbalance of family power" (referenced in the aforementioned book, Beyond Time Out: From Chaos to Calm). The problem is that the only power he has been able to hang on to is related to food. I have an issue with food. I somehow equate being a good mother with seeing my children eat well. It's as if, so long as he is full of good healthy food, my boy will be able to withstand anything and I can rest easy. The reality, however, is that I cannot force Kyan to eat. Kyan knows this. Therefore he actively engages in power struggles over food on a regular basis, and I engage back. It is now the only only time I engage in power struggles since I have fixed my parenting responses in all other areas. SO, dinner time sucks.
I have accepted that the solution, also offered in the above mentioned book, is to let go of being the food police and allow him to go hungry if necessary. I cannot begin to tell you how hard that is for me. So, after rereading the chapter on eating and discussing it thoroughly with Ben, we came up with a plan.
Kyan no longer has any access to television time except as a reward. We were using it as a punishment, or something to "take away", but we decided to flip it and make it a positive thing instead. So, every time Kyan has a successful dinner time experience, which includes being polite, staying in his seat, eating with utensils, and eating well, he will get 1/2 an hour of television time.
In addition to that, he will only get two warnings about his behavior at the table (which is part of climbing the ladder) and then will have to leave the table and finish his dinner when Ben and I get up from the table. That is only for the first two times it happens. After that we should be able to have him leave the table briefly and regroup in his room and then return and try again.
In preparation for this shift in protocol I spent a lot of time prepping Kyan and even prepared one of his favorite meals last night (hamburger and kale). While I was explaining what would happen he stopped me and said, "Well, Mama, what exactly does being polite mean?" I was so impressed by his well worded question that I stopped cooking dinner and sat down at the table with him to explain.
We started dinner without Daddy because Ben was late getting home, and it all went really well. When Ben got home Kyan even explained to him what it looks like to be "polite" at the dinner table. There had to be a warning when he was dealing with the transition of Daddy's arrival, but overall he had a very successful dinner and earned his 1/2 hour of TV. He also ate every bite of his hamburger and all of his kale (he only ate one fry, but that's fine with me, I'll take kale over fries any day!)
I think I might be getting better at this whole parenting thing now that it's not a mad dash to get everything done in between work and daycare. I am able to think things out more thoroughly, research solutions, discuss them with Ben, and put them into action. When I was working I felt like I could barely keep my head above water, let alone get creative and active about our problems. It's a nice feeling.
Sometimes when I am doing the tenth load of laundry for the week, or cooking dinner again, or changing yet another poopy diaper, I have a moment where I imagine myself (and my $50,000 education) back in the classroom where there are no poopy diapers or dirty laundry, but usually I am quickly catapulted back into my mama reality by the complaints of an imaginary teenage student, or the arm farts coming from the back of my imaginary classroom. I may be paying student loans every month so that I can change diapers, but there is no place I would rather be than on this journey with my beautiful children.
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