This week has been a challenging one. The morning of Kyan’s
birthday I learned that a beautiful young girl left us far too soon. She was a
very special little girl, which is how I see her still even though she was 16,
and her beauty and uniqueness were part of what defined the year I spent
teaching in the Fire Mountain community. During that year I joined a group of
people that came together with the common desire to give their children the
best foundation they possibly could; a group that had roots that spanned back
decades to an original group of parents with a vision. One of the highlights of
my time there was a little girl named Pheraby. This little girl was brilliant,
sweet, and unique. There was an awkwardness to her, but it was a sweet and
delicate kind of awkwardness. She was a sensitive soul and in her loving
community she thrived. She thrived because the culture of kindness and respect
that SHOULD be everywhere was alive in her small community.
The problem is that
that culture of kindness is not everywhere and the tragedy is that our world at
large continually perpetuates a lack of decency. We are not a kind or even a
decent culture. Sure there are kind people in our world, decent people in our
country, and in our communities, but these people are like a pile of sticks
trying to hold back a tidal wave. We allow our children to be saturated by
media that TEACHES them to be unkind. I cringe when I watch some of the media that
is considered acceptable for preschoolers. The girls and boys are MEAN to one
another. The writing makes it seem funny, normal, and even acceptable to bully
someone or insult someone. It is tragic. I watch my son mimic that behavior,
even though his media is extremely limited, because he sees it everywhere, it
is part of his culture no matter how hard I try to keep it from him.
When I taught at Fire Mountain School I was not yet a parent
so I understood a lot less about the parents I worked with than I do now. I was
young and I was not perfect, in fact I’m not sure I was even a “good” teacher
then, definitely not a “great” one. But, what I did understand then, despite my
age, was that there was something very special happening in that tiny little
school and that I was a part of it. I would lead parents around on tours of the
school and talk to them about the foundation of education and human interaction
that Fire Mountain could provide and they would leave as converts, ready to
drop everything and join our little community. I sometimes wondered, after
those tours, if I would be good in sales, but then I realized that the only way
I could be that good at selling something is if I believed in it the way I
believe in Fire Mountain’s mission.
When I imagine what I want for my sons’
education I see them growing up in that community with all of its perfect
imperfection. I see them starting a merchant system in the woods using squirrel
tails as currency; learning the basics of society through unstructured play. I
see my boys holding a circle of kindness around their peers so that each one of
them can flourish and grow and become the person they deserve to be.
I don’t know what happened to Pheraby once she left the
safety of Fire Mountain and became a part of a much bigger, less perfect
community, and I don’t know if what happened to her is because of the
imperfections of the world at large. What I do know is that she had a wonderful
childhood and she was loved and supported by so many wonderful souls who will
carry her with them in their hearts and in their memories for the rest of their
lives.
The other night I had the extreme honor of seeing many of those children
from my year at Fire Mountain grown up and glowing. They were glowing with
youth, with knowledge, with love, and that night with grief. They were bound
together by the invisible thread of their childhood experiences, and now they
are bound together by their love and loss of Pheraby. They were already
exceptional human beings, but now they may have just a bit more reason to be
exceptional, a bit more drive to go out into the world and pass on the lessons
they learned in their childhood. Pheraby’s father said to the group the other
night, “something good has to come of this, it has to.” I believe it will. I
believe each and every one of those young people will fight to make the world a
better place, a kinder place, because they are fighting for Pheraby; They are
bound to her and she to them and that bond will change lives.
