Growing Pains

Today I was visiting a twin mom who is on hospital bed rest and while I was chatting with her and feeding the twins cheese I realized that my finger kept hitting something sharp while I was feeding Mason. On closer inspection it was his first tooth!

Now, the boys are certainly a bit old for their first teeth (11 1/2 months to be exact), so I was pretty excited. It explained a lot about their behavior over the last few days (especially nights) and I'm pretty sure that Ronan has one about to pop through, too.

Beyond excitement I realized I was feeling a bit sad, too. For some reason seeing a tooth in his mouth made me more sentimental about his babyhood than seeing him try to walk or pull up. Somehow he was still a baby until I saw that sharp little tooth sticking up, but now he's a big boy ready to bite his Mommy!

I may also have been feeling the sentimentality of visiting a mama who is lying in the hospital missing her kids at home just like I was one year ago. I even got to talk to a nurse on the way out who remembered me and Kyan and was so excited to see the twins. She even remembered my name!

I am so thankful to be through that difficult time, and I am seriously confident that I do not want to have another baby, but something about it all made me a bit sad. Just knowing that I will never have another newborn, or witness a first tooth, or celebrate a first step after the twins reach all of these milestones.
Ronan has taken his first steps, Mason has his first tooth, they are eating mostly finger food and rejecting purees, they race each other across the room pushing their walkers, Ronan is CLIMBING things, and I am watching it all with a huge smile on my face and a bit of an ache in my heart.

There's this other part of me that is not sentimental at all and cannot wait until I get to sleep through the night and stop chasing babies around to keep them safe. I have this vision of my boys and Ben and I all on a camping trip hiking through the woods and roasting marshmallows over campfires. I see us traveling across the country and enjoying the wilderness. Ben wants that all right now, but my vision doesn't really including figuring out how to keep two toddlers safe in the woods or get them to sleep even in our amazingly wonderful camper van!

In only 3 weeks my babies will be one year old! That is so amazing to me! Watching my poor friend miss her girls while she lies uncomfortably in that hospital bed and wonders what the future holds for her with two newborns on the way has really made me reflect on my experience. I didn't keep much of a pregnancy journal because I honestly wasn't sure if I wanted the twins to know how I was feeling or managing during my pregnancy. I was afraid they would only hear how difficult it all was and that I wouldn't get across the message that they are well worth the pain!

yes, pain! 38 weeks and going in to deliver!

They warm my heart and I am so excited for the future and for every little step they are taking...if only I could freeze little moments of time so that I could come back and relive them every now and then! These crazy little monsters make me smile so much that my cheeks hurt and that's what I want them to know about this process. So, I thought I'd mention that instead of how tired I am for a change :) I love you my sweet little boys!